The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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