I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i think my cat just said my name.
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I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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