Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
