Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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