What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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