Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
