i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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