just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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