I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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