Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
