did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
