yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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