I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize