It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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