Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
