She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
