The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
