I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
