hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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