that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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