im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
