i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
