just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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