She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
