Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
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she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
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It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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