There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize