I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
