This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
