Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
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This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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