Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
