he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
