guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
this is an emotional support booty call
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
