i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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