she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
