Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
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