Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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