"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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