Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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