So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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