I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
