Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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