Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
