where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
