Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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