literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
