Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
