He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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