if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
