alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
