Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
