Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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