I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
