Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
