Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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