you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
