Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
