Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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