pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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