I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
