he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
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What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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