I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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