A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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