Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
