It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
