Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
