and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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