apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
my poor anus
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
