I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
