Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
